Is it a good idea to age in place?
My grandparents loved being home. My grandpaw would piddle around the house keeping things neat and tidy. My grandmaw would sit in her chair waiting on visitors. They had a routine and it worked for them. The house even worked for them as they lived in a modest ranch.
They never mentioned moving or what their plan was should the need arise to move and seek more care. They took care of each other. That is until they couldn’t.
Slowly, my grandmaw’s health started to decline. She began falling inside the home, even struggling to get out of the bathtub at times. My grandpaw helped as much as he could but taking care of her was taking it’s toll on him.
He had a small stroke that landed in him the hospital, but soon he was back home playing primary care taker.
My grandmaw’s mind was slowly slipping away as well. But they pressed on.
Weekly calls to my dad turned into daily calls asking for help and assistance.
One final fall landed my grandmaw in a rehab facility with the elephant sitting in her room, “she really can’t go back home”.
My grandpaw met this news with exhaustion, sadness and even some relief. Family stepped in to research possible options for them.
In-home care. Assisted living. Even hip replacement was entertained (if only by my grandpaw).
The reality of aging hit us all square in the face. In-home care was pricey and not covered by their insurance.
Rehab wasn’t a long term option, not to mention very expensive.
Entertaining an assisted living facility was met with frustration and some hostility. They just didn’t want to accept that as an option; one we understood of course.
As my grandpaw drove back to their little house, he veered off the road and hit an embankment. Did he fall asleep? Did he have a medical event?
Questions we will never have the answers to as he passed away that evening.
After the funeral, paperwork enveloped my dad and mom as they began to sort out the options for care and coverage. We were finally able to move her into a private assisted living facility locally. While it is nice and cozy, she is miserable. It’s just not home to her.
This is my family’s personal story and it may sound similar to yours. We’ve spoke with so many families who found themselves in a similar situation. So the question begs to be asked, “is aging in place a good idea?”
Sure. Until it isn’t and it’s too late to explore options.
I’m no expert in what those options are but I will advocate for having those conversations early and often with family members who are aging and with your own spouse.
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